your monkey called

The Ford Fusion is decidedly anti-mobster.

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 21:33:09 -0800

The Ford Fusion is decidedly anti-mobster.

New Life Goal I’m going to wait patiently until this Palm...

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 07:23:10 -0800

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

New Life Goal

I’m going to wait patiently until this Palm Springs street performer grows old and dies, then take over his act.

Not seen in video, but very much present throughout the performance: smoke machine.

Also note: my children appeared to like him much more than they like me.

We're taking a little family trip

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 08:25:17 -0800

to Palm Springs today, so let me know if you have any tips on what to do, or if you know how to leave your wife and children at the airport, rent a convertible, and find a hooker for a lost weekend of drugs and malicious sex. Or where to go for brunch.

If a squirrel

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 16:21:02 -0800

started chasing me, I wouldn’t climb a tree because have you seen squirrels climb trees? They’re amazing at it. Instead, I would probably run onto a yacht. I’ve never seen a squirrel on a yacht.

My Five Favorite Episodes of "The Big Bang Theory"

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:14:00 -0800

(Note: I have never seen “The Big Bang Theory.”)

The one where Big Bang and Duckie accidentally reinvent cheese.
The one where they play laser tag for the whole episode.
The one where Big Bang and Oren (killer Kevin James guest spot) open an exotic meat store.
The one where Big Bang learns his dad is gay—and blind.
The one where Duckie falls in love with Katie Couric.

I was in a book store, eavesdropping on the conversation of two...

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:09:42 -0800

I was in a book store, eavesdropping on the conversation of two black ladies:

BL1: I finally got around to seeing The Help.
BL2: Oh yeah? How was it?
BL1: (weary laugh) Oh, you know.
BL2: Yup.

(image via seoulbrother)

It’s not often that you can tell exactly what a person was...

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 14:15:14 -0800

It’s not often that you can tell exactly what a person was doing when they had the idea for a product.

HOW ‘BOUT A NICE SWAN BIRYANI? If you love Look Around You...

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 14:16:00 -0800

HOW ‘BOUT A NICE SWAN BIRYANI?

If you love Look Around You as much as I do, you’ll superlove (as I superdid) this video that the guys made for a recent evening screening of the series.

(via)

New Diet

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:09:20 -0800

We give you a rabies shot and a PowerBar and drop you in the middle of the slums of Lagos.

If you make it home, you’ll definitely be several pounds lighter. Even better: you won’t care about meaningless shit like dieting anymore.

Artists Featured on the Next Quentin Tarantino Soundtrack

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:17:00 -0700

Shumka is the best. My 2 favorites:

Smug Chuggley and the Analog Snobs
If Dracula Had a Band

Read the full list.

Google: Actively assisting the onset of my senility.

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 14:14:00 -0700

Google: Actively assisting the onset of my senility.

PEOPLE … PEOPLE HAVING FUUUUUUNNNN

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 13:04:21 -0700

PEOPLE … PEOPLE HAVING FUUUUUUNNNN

daveshumka: Just got back from Graham’s beard painting show. ...

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 13:27:56 -0700

daveshumka:

Just got back from Graham’s beard painting show. This one is called “All Giamatti.” Pretty good.

Pretty good, Graham. Prett-y good.

"I have married broken spoke charging smoke wheels Spit and swallowed opioids"

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 14:47:00 -0700

“I have married broken spoke charging smoke wheels
Spit and swallowed opioids”

- I like the new Wilco song as much as the next plaid-wearing 401(k) holder, but this could have come from a javascript Jeff Tweedy lyrics generator.

1838 “the daguerreotype required very long exposures to...

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 23:05:00 -0700

1838

“the daguerreotype required very long exposures to form an image on the surface of a silver plate. It’s likely that this was a busy street at the time, but because the image would have taken several minutes to form, only the figure standing still—getting his boots shined?—shows up.”

Nicholas Jackson : “The First Photograph of a Human”

WALTMINKWALTMINKWALTMINK If you went to college in Minnesota in...

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 10:47:00 -0700

WALTMINKWALTMINKWALTMINK

If you went to college in Minnesota in the mid-90’s, you had lots of opportunities to coolly ignore Walt Mink whenever they played First Ave or one of the local colleges. At least that’s what I imagine everybody but me did, because no one I mentioned them to since that time has heard of them.

Until a couple months ago, when suddenly everybody is like “Walt Mink this,” or “Walt Mink that,” or “Walt Mink something something.”

I’m very happy to see these guys get some attention again, because even if you don’t like the music, you have to admit that they are T.A.S. (Tight. As. Shit.).

Side note: before I heard Nick Drake’s sleepy original “Pink Moon,” I knew about the song from these guys. Which kind of ruined the sleepy version for me.

Also: Great video work, Chris Butler!

As your

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 18:49:02 -0700

unleashed pit bull approached my children, you said:

“Don’t worry, she’s friendly!”

But I heard:

“Hello, I am a stranger! There is my biting machine! Which I choose not to control!”

Comme de longs échos qui de loin se confondent

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:32:00 -0700

What ho, look at this! My pal luckyshirt also recently went gaga over checks:

luckyshirt:

Dear person writing a check for your groceries:

…

I understand that there are outlaws about, and that carrying your fucking gold bullion around is a terrible idea, but check this shit out: we have these little plastic bits of sorcery called “debit cards”.

…

And don’t you worry your solid gold ass about me or the line around the fucking equator that’s waiting for you to fill in the memo space to remind yourself that this wasn’t for a new longsword or passage on the fucking Titanic. You go on and keep your records in order, Pharaoh.

The whole thing is great (if slightly angrier than my take).

Oh sorry,

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:13:33 -0700

I should have pointed out, in case you weren’t aware, that “checks” are pieces of paper that old people use to promise money to each other.

Nevs brings my dreams to life.

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 12:29:00 -0700

Nevs brings my dreams to life.