your monkey called

PILLOWDROME

Extended family vacations, with their rich mix of boredom, frustration, and prison-like social entrapment, become laboratories of game innovation. From a sleep-deprived Christmas condo in Maui, I present to you:

PILLOWDROME

NUMBER OF PLAYERS
Standard play: 2
Tournament play: 3 - Infinite

EQUIPMENT
2 identical pillows
1 suburban-style kitchen island
Alcohol (recommended)

RULES

1. Players take their positions on opposite sides of the circular course.
2. Each player balances a pillow on their head. For the duration of the game they may not again touch the pillow with their hands.
3. Play begins as soon as one player begins walking (“Sumo-style”).
4. Players move clockwise around the course.

WINNING THE GAME
The game ends when one player catches up to and touches the other, or when the pillow falls off a player’s head.

STRATEGY
There are two known strategies, and infinite unknown strategies:

1. Go fast and try to catch the other guy. The aggresive player will attempt to catch up to the other, focusing on moving as quickly as possible. This strategy relies upon SPEED.
2. Pillow management. This more defensive policy focuses upon preservation of a balanced pillow. The player circles just quickly enough to avoid the other. This strategy relies upon ENDURANCE.

HANDICAPPING
Better players may challenge less experienced onces by using a smaller pillow. Additionally, children may also compete against adults using the same variable-pillow-size approach. Very small children should not play, as they are likely to be killed.