Cleaning Out My Birdhouse
A bunch of almosts. They made it out of my head, but weren’t quite right for Twitter, and now they’ve been in my Birdhouse so long that I’m tired of looking at them. Sometimes it’s nice to start fresh, so goodbye, half-ideas and so-so’s!:
If all of you knew a lot more about Excel macros, the post hitch, and my childhood bedroom, I would have the BEST joke for you right now.
- 02/20 8:02
“Shhhhh!” I hiss, “Shut. UP.,” as my kids run around our local park telling everyone that they get to eat McDonald’s for dinner.
- 02/20 7:58
Pan burnished shallot drizzlings with strained Madagascar vanilla whispered hand-massaged Peruvian cum face balsamic slow-tortured roast beef
- 02/19 19:54
I’m stupid, and I vote!
- 02/18 10:02
Momment: your mother’s slightly worried emailed note to you about something you wrote on Facebook or Twitter, in which she also wants to prove she gets it.
- 02/14 10:27
Sometimes this whole town smells like my aunt’s house, then I worry that it’s just the inside of my nose that smells like my aunt’s house, then I wonder what I have against my aunt.
- 02/14 10:26
I wish my life came with a backup camera
- 02/14 10:14
Not sure what to do for my montage scene today. Hijinks in a museum? Kiss a series of pretty girls? Build a rocket launcher?
- 02/12 11:29
B-Minus things to be the patron saint of: , mock turtlenecks
- 02/10 16:24
Still nothing on Snopes regarding whether this morning is beautiful or not.
- 02/07 9:35
Howie Mandel Eats Glass.
- 02/01 10:16
