your monkey called

Feb 24

The Ford Fusion is decidedly anti-mobster.

The Ford Fusion is decidedly anti-mobster.

[video]

Feb 23

We’re taking a little family trip

to Palm Springs today, so let me know if you have any tips on what to do, or if you know how to leave your wife and children at the airport, rent a convertible, and find a hooker for a lost weekend of drugs and malicious sex. Or where to go for brunch.

Feb 20

If a squirrel

started chasing me, I wouldn’t climb a tree because have you seen squirrels climb trees? They’re amazing at it. Instead, I would probably run onto a yacht. I’ve never seen a squirrel on a yacht.

Feb 03

My Five Favorite Episodes of “The Big Bang Theory”

(Note: I have never seen “The Big Bang Theory.”)

  1. The one where Big Bang and Duckie accidentally reinvent cheese.
  2. The one where they play laser tag for the whole episode.
  3. The one where Big Bang and Oren (killer Kevin James guest spot) open an exotic meat store.
  4. The one where Big Bang learns his dad is gay—and blind.
  5. The one where Duckie falls in love with Katie Couric.

Jan 30

I was in a book store, eavesdropping on the conversation of two black ladies: BL1: I finally got around to seeing The Help.BL2: Oh yeah? How was it?BL1: (weary laugh) Oh, you know.BL2: Yup.  (image via seoulbrother)

I was in a book store, eavesdropping on the conversation of two black ladies:

BL1: I finally got around to seeing The Help.
BL2: Oh yeah? How was it?
BL1: (weary laugh) Oh, you know.
BL2: Yup. 

(image via seoulbrother)

Jan 15

It’s not often that you can tell exactly what a person was doing when they had the idea for a product.

It’s not often that you can tell exactly what a person was doing when they had the idea for a product.

Jan 13

[video]

Dec 14

New Diet

We give you a rabies shot and a PowerBar and drop you in the middle of the slums of Lagos.

If you make it home, you’ll definitely be several pounds lighter. Even better: you won’t care about meaningless shit like dieting anymore.

Nov 01

Artists Featured on the Next Quentin Tarantino Soundtrack

Shumka is the best. My 2 favorites:

Read the full list.

Oct 10

Google: Actively assisting the onset of my senility.

Google: Actively assisting the onset of my senility.

Sep 27

[video]

Sep 23

daveshumka: Just got back from Graham’s beard painting show.  This one is called “All Giamatti.”  Pretty good. Pretty good, Graham. Prett-y good.

daveshumka:

Just got back from Graham’s beard painting show.  This one is called “All Giamatti.”  Pretty good.

Pretty good, Graham. Prett-y good.

Sep 15

“I have married broken spoke charging smoke wheels
Spit and swallowed opioids” — I like the new Wilco song as much as the next plaid-wearing 401(k) holder, but this could have come from a javascript Jeff Tweedy lyrics generator.

Sep 06

1838 “the daguerreotype required very long exposures to form an image on the surface of a silver plate. It’s likely that this was a busy street at the time, but because the image would have taken several minutes to form, only the figure standing still—getting his boots shined?—shows up.” Nicholas Jackson : “The First Photograph of a Human”

1838

“the daguerreotype required very long exposures to form an image on the surface of a silver plate. It’s likely that this was a busy street at the time, but because the image would have taken several minutes to form, only the figure standing still—getting his boots shined?—shows up.”

Nicholas Jackson : “The First Photograph of a Human”