2008

May

jonahray: This is a picture of a character for a new video...

Painting China Now (2007): a collection of thirty oil...

Yo-Momma-So-Fat Jokes Through the Ages

Cars that honk when you lock them are like people who shout when they yawn.

It’s not you, it’s your Hotmail address.

When Obama wins, something something “Whitey on the Moon.”

I agree: mothers should get a day. One. Day.

Now that I’ve got my texturizing créme pomade in, I am ready to KICK THIS DAY’S ASS.

“How many times do you have to cycle through your very...”
— tremble.com : worst of...

If the Volvos of Los Altos are any indication, Barack Obama has despoiled a lot of bumper sticker...

If your cat poops gold, then cleaning the litter box is exactly like panning for gold.

Thanks to modern looms, ascetics’ hair shirts are now quite comfortable.

Guillaume Paris : True Spirit

Hmm, the 4th hole in my belt is no longer on speaking terms with the buckle. They won’t go...

Prospective preschool website references Waldorf, Montessori, Piaget, AND Dewey. Pedagogical sluts.

If I were .1% wealthy, I would name my palatial estate “Red Lobster.”

Career-Confused? WE CAN HELP YLNT JOBBOTRON is now...

BEACON OF HOPE yes

Oh, OK, now I get the joke. I had been emphasizing the wrong word: “THAT’s what she...

A violent military government would seem less scary if they spelled it “hoonta.”

“In fact, if pressed for time, only 10 percent would stop to...”
— The Good Samaritan Experiment...

I should mention I am the worst “Office” offender of all. I’ll get the ball...

Sadder than “The Office”: naming your coworkers after “Office” characters,...

Zune owner seeks same (Z4Z)

“[T]he fig leaf (‘what what’) is better than the...”
— S/FJ on Snoop’s...

Taj Mahal on Ocean Beach The iPhone’s MiasmaCam lends...

Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch Org Chart (via)

“[M]y reaction to clever ads: as soon as I see one, a filmy...”
— Textism

After a decade in the spotlight (MySpace, manga, text messaging), I’m counting on the Kindle...

Beautiful Carcinogens

Me: Merlin’s going to see Rush tonight.
My Canadian(!) wife: Does Jennifer Jason Leigh die at the end of that one?

The only difference between my house and prison: our ad hoc economy is based on jelly beans.

Luc Mattenberger : Dérives(via)

Your roller balls are an embarrassment. Pens: Pilot Pocket...

The Prius in front of me is doing nothing to dispel the stereotype that we hybrid owners are...

Bathroom key fob size inflation is rampant in SF. At some point the key is just going to be bolted...

In My Pants Right Now (Inspired by the Flickr Group) Coke...

“In this town, when Bobby says do a podcast, you do a fucking...”
— Extraview : Adam Lisagor

“I always thought ‘white flight’ was a sampling...”
— Allie Delgado

For just the cost of clean water for a village in Africa, you could drink a delicious latte every...

Hardest hit by the devalued dollar: 99¢ Stores. Today they’re only selling lettuce by-the-leaf...

No Tats at this Hotel Pretty common policy in Japan for hot...

If you’re out of stuff to read in Google Reader, it looks like “nytimes.com” still...

Number 8 ('nəmbər āt)

Number 8 (‘nəmbər āt), n.: The DVD that is always #8 in your Netflix queue. Ex.: “An...

“The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone...”
— Walter Winchell

“Have you forgotten what we were like then when we were still...”
— Frank O’Hara : Animals

Go easy on Paula, America! If Michel Gondry had “offered a critique of a performance that had...

After Beanie Babies, only computer books are a worse investment.

Antonin Fourneau : Aluminum Arcade Button

I thought “Radar” would be like methadone for my “UsWeekly”-addicted wife....

Apr

Holy mackerel there are lots of different figure skating...

I talk to myself in the style of a professional wrestler every time I take out the trash.

Business Idea: Highbrow massage parlor where patrons can request a Sopranos-style “ambiguous...

Fallen Soldiers We will remember your sacrifice, Lt....

“Am I being a J-E-R-K, Dad?” OH SHIT THEY LEARN TO SPELL.

1. “I will do anything you want.” 2. “As long as you respect me.” I’m...

Current nicknames for my family members: “Goofy,” “Special,”...

“See, in recent years I’ve begun to wonder if...”
— John Moe : Seattle...

My coworker’s dog is still looking great. I guess it’s true what they say: 7 is the new...

Just pretended to be an audio engineer. I twiddled some knobs and followed Dan Kennedy’s...

Falindrome #10:A-hah! A banana ban. Haha!

Oprah audiences didn’t used to applaud anything. In 2008 you get a standing ovation for...

You Look Nice in Public Really just an excuse to add a Dymo...

“[The Japanese government] has instructed Ikea … to...”
— The Japan Times

Any specific diseases you can get by plunging your hands into the dark swirling waters of a public...

More Kids’ Beer!

I don’t know why I had a small hope that bob and bob, the Judaica store, would also sell magic...

ROMANCE TIP: Women love honesty. Brutal, withering honesty.

Thomas Mailaender : YES (via)

God’s on vacation today: I just wrote “talking from a differentiation perspective”...

World’s Best Photograph (via)

AWESOME : お茶らむね “According to the press...

“The music in your car always sounds like the soundtrack to a...”
— my wife

Tour the You Look Nice Today Studio The YLNT Facebook page...

“No two words are more precious to a writer than...”
— Philip Roth

Freud’s actual theories have been largely discredited, but I think he might be the only one...

Singing in Sembabule

FormFiftyFive : Word Clock Screensaver (via)

Listening to MC NiceGuy’s “Yeah I’m Hard (But Not in That Way, No, I Mean...

Laughs Per Minute Interesting waveform view of the minute of...

Nick Thune: Funny Man A minute of gold, from six minutes of fantastic (iTunes), inside a double CD...

Favorite new Japanese term of the day: アルハラ (aruhara), from the English “ALcohol...

The Campaign to End Binge Drinking has prepared a lovely set...

“How sad is it that, during the climatic end scene, I’m...”
— Matthew Baldwin on There Will...

If you do stand-up, and if you’re also a cannibal, I just thought of the perfect opener for...

Jogged past 1,000 snails reenacting the landing at Normandy. Since I saw them too late, I ended up...

I think we can all agree that a business magazine is doomed...

ROMANCE TIP: Junk mail makes a fun gift: ladies love clipping coupons!

You dial 911 by mistake (9 to get out + 1 + oops). Do you: 1) Hang up. 2) Apologize. 3) Giggle like...

BA-da-Ba-da-dee-DOO da dee da BUCK HILL

Mortgage is the new marriage.

Little Britain: I Want Bitty

“Backgammon For Friendless People”, “Every...

I met a “Pennsylvanian” on the road to Town this morning. He was kind but full of False...

Tadanori Yokō : An Aesthetic of the End (via)

Suggestion for Hershey

Props required for this morning’s video idea: doilies, antique pocket watch, framed photo of...

If you were in the black Nissan Altima that just passed, I was only itching my nose.

“The Ultimate in hand protection.”

“The almighty dollar, it ain’t what it used to...”
— Devin the Dude, like many...

A cologne based on the smell of just-opened CD liner notes? I would wear that cologne.

Lesson Learned: The BABYBJÖRN Potty Chair-brand child’s toilet will not support the weight of...

I NEED THIS CASIOBIKE YESYESYES

I will vote for the candidate who promises to make hip-hop albums skit-free by 2010.

サイコロキャラメル (Dice-Shaped Caramel)

Strange Bedfellows in Japanese Karaoke Books

WNYC has returned my donation to me in the form of 50 letters asking for more money. Next year...

Antique Photo Generator (古写真ジェネレーター)Central Park, 2007....

LOOK UPON MY OUT OF PRINT MURAKAMI TRANSLATION, YE NERDS,...

Crap. My son just said “Ready, steady, go!” Now we have to use that special shampoo and...

Knowledge, Dropped

The three accents you must master as an actor: Southern Foreign Foreign Southerner* * Very rare,...

“He held scrappy, apostate opinions: he liked Rimbaud,...”
— Dan Chiasson on Frank...

ROMANCE TIP: Ladies love a Bloomin’ Onion.

From the Air Panama inflight magazine, which I can only...

(and I’m not from Philly)

FREE SLIMSTICKSChris has created some lovely marketing...

Heading to ad:tech. Which should I pack: silver bullets, garlic, or earnest sincerity? I forgot...

TIP: To get people to hate libraries, just dress each of the books in a little KKK costume!

Half The Battle : Caleb Beyers

Sometimes when we’re walking home from the library, I pretend that everyone else in Los Altos...

Can You Dig It?

Cyrus: You're standing right now with nine delegates from 100 gangs. And there's over a hundred more. That's 20,000 hardcore members. Forty-thousand, counting affiliates, and twenty-thousand more, not organized, but ready to fight: 60,000 soldiers! Now, there ain't but 20,000 police in the whole town. Can you dig it?
Gang Members: Yeah.
Cyrus: Can you dig it?
Gang Members: Yeah!
Cyrus: Can you dig it?
Gang Members: YEAH!
Cyrus: Now, here's the sum total: One gang could run this city! One gang. Nothing would move without us allowing it to happen. We could tax the crime syndicates, the police, because WE got the streets, suckers! Can you dig it?
Gang Members: YEAH!

“Now, look what we have here before us. We got the Saracens...”
— Cyrus

“We’re paying attention. No, seriously. What was that you...”
— Paul Tough

casiusking: Yahoo, the leader in online display...

Celebrating Philip Roth’s 75th Birthday

“In 1999, BusinessWeek production manager Nicholas White went...”
— Trapped In An Elevator For Two...

We’re doing important work over at You Look Nice Today HQ. This week: inventing a new fitness...

ULTIMATE Unboxing (video) The most frequently mentioned product on the internet gets its due.

You always make me look good, Hallway Mirror. Your pay raise comes directly from today’s...

I think I’m an average-looking guy. But put me in a tank top and I look like the highly...

Seasonal-Smell Nemesis of woodsmoke: chlorine.

Confessions of a Mouth Breather, Ch. 32...

Me: Why does my skin hurt?
...
My Wife (7 Minutes Later): Sunburn. Idiot.

Changing into my goin’-out colon for some BBQ.

Quick trip to Best Buy, or as I like to call it, the “Amazon showroom.”

I think I just pulled a muscle yawning.

(Video) I have this problem as well. My children WILL NOT study their lines. They depend on SAG for...

Puddle-jump, (v.): To use 10+ different free or evaluation apps to do something that would take 11...

Presenting: Pennybags’ Real Estate Market Indicator(In...

I was right: adding a Rimbaud chapbook to the pocket really dudes up this cardigan.

Nice Book Cover and a Good Story: ホームレス中学生“Determined...

May 13 (Aw man, now Peter tells me it’s been pushed to...

This is what I think my moves look like when I dance at clubs. My best guess as to what I actually...

The next time you casually dismiss Sean Paul, ask yourself: have you ever rhymed “medulla...

OK, you’re right, my technical specification neglected certain major features, but does it...

“I care more about one particular day in 1779 than I do about...”
— “The War Nerd”...

I just feel bad for the poor guy who invented jackboots. He had no idea thugs would adopt them so...

You win again, giant burrito.