February 2012
1 post
My Five Favorite Episodes of "The Big Bang Theory"
(Note: I have never seen “The Big Bang Theory.”) The one where Big Bang and Duckie accidentally reinvent cheese. The one where they play laser tag for the whole episode. The one where Big Bang and Oren (killer Kevin James guest spot) open an exotic meat store. The one where Big Bang learns his dad is gay—and blind. The one where Duckie falls in love with Katie Couric.
Feb 4th
60 notes
January 2012
3 posts
Jan 30th
105 notes
Jan 16th
36 notes
Jan 14th
25 notes
December 2011
1 post
New Diet
We give you a rabies shot and a PowerBar and drop you in the middle of the slums of Lagos. If you make it home, you’ll definitely be several pounds lighter. Even better: you won’t care about meaningless shit like dieting anymore.
Dec 15th
37 notes
November 2011
1 post
Artists Featured on the Next Quentin Tarantino...
Shumka is the best. My 2 favorites: Smug Chuggley and the Analog Snobs If Dracula Had a Band Read the full list.
Nov 1st
209 notes
October 2011
1 post
Oct 11th
34 notes
September 2011
11 posts
Sep 27th
34 notes
Sep 23rd
93 notes
“I have married broken spoke charging smoke wheels Spit and swallowed opioids”
– I like the new Wilco song as much as the next plaid-wearing 401(k) holder, but this could have come from a javascript Jeff Tweedy lyrics generator.
Sep 16th
63 notes
Sep 7th
48 notes
Sep 6th
3 notes
As your
unleashed pit bull approached my children, you said:  “Don’t worry, she’s friendly!” But I heard: “Hello, I am a stranger! There is my biting machine! Which I choose not to control!”
Sep 5th
83 notes
1 tag
Comme de longs échos qui de loin se confondent
What ho, look at this! My pal luckyshirt also recently went gaga over checks: luckyshirt: Dear person writing a check for your groceries: … I understand that there are outlaws about, and that carrying your fucking gold bullion around is a terrible idea, but check this shit out: we have these little plastic bits of sorcery called “debit cards”.  … And don’t you worry your solid...
Sep 2nd
497 notes
Oh sorry,
I should have pointed out, in case you weren’t aware, that “checks” are pieces of paper that old people use to promise money to each other.
Sep 2nd
34 notes
Sep 2nd
102 notes
Sep 2nd
83 notes
Sep 2nd
75 notes
Sep 1st
22 notes
August 2011
6 posts
Aug 28th
54 notes
Aug 17th
82 notes
Aug 16th
38 notes
The Past 24 Hours of Twitter, Condensed
Person 1: “S&P, what a bunch of idiots!” Person 2: “Congress, what a bunch of idiots!” Person 3: “Wall Street, what a bunch of evil idiots!” Person 4: “My vagina smells like raisins!” Obviously my heart belongs to Person 4.
Aug 6th
52 notes
Aug 5th
69 notes
July 2011
2 posts
Jul 26th
28 notes
WatchWatch
This video just became my spirit animal.  The highest form of respect I can pay to some language or phrase that I love—in this case it’s a pure nonsense jubilee—is to buy the domain name for it. I am now the proud owner of TastesLikeDiamonds.com.
Jul 14th
56 notes
June 2011
6 posts
"Winning"
The Book Bench poemifies some Michele Bachmann lines:  “Winning” Every time I’ve run for office,  People have said, “She’ll never win.”  Every time, we’ve been able to do it.  My very first race was the school board.  That one we didn’t win. More here.
Jun 30th
13 notes
Jun 23rd
54 notes
Jun 21st
59 notes
Jun 18th
34 notes
Jun 18th
23 notes
Jun 14th
405 notes
May 2011
5 posts
“A perfect joke for me is when 40% of the audience likes it. That way I know it...”
– Nick DiPaolo, in this piece about the Comedy Cellar
May 11th
“…’Automatic for the People’ on the jukebox…”
– Deangelo Vickers
May 6th
11 notes
The Four Formal Proofs of the Existence of God
Cosmological Ontological Teleological Sally Field’s belly button on July 9, 1975
May 6th
27 notes
May 5th
1,392 notes
May 2nd
28 notes
April 2011
8 posts
Apr 29th
Apr 21st
62 notes
Apr 18th
33 notes
fru-t: 3D :
Apr 15th
11 notes
“The glorious shitshow of the 20th century has barely started, and you’re already...”
– Lazy Self-Indulgent Book Reviews, on German Expressionism in the first part of last century. There’s more. It’s great.
Apr 15th
82 notes
Dating Tip
Ladies, never go out with a guy who knows the names of all the Disney princesses. It would be like that time Grand Vizier Jafar tries to to trick the Sultan into allowing him to marry Princess Jasmine, but all along he really just wants to kill her, and the whole time it’s really scary and you’re really worried about whether Aladdin will be able to rescue her. Uh, yeah, so, you know....
Apr 8th
Q: How many Cormac McCarthies does it take to...
A: Two or perhaps three, approaching now, from beyond the tree in the long low light of morning. From some black place: a reckoning neither required nor bidden, a reckoning no judge could have ordered, but a reckoning nonetheless. One of the men carries a single glove, ready to grip the hot, bright bulb and twist it dead. The other two follow, smoking, and whisper about what is to come: the...
Apr 8th
470 notes
Apr 5th
33 notes
March 2011
12 posts
Mar 29th
35 notes
Mar 27th
15 notes
Mar 17th
70 notes
Mar 15th
346 notes
Mar 14th
159 notes