Now that we’ve established that poetry is work, let’s move on to questions of productivity. How much should a poet produce, ideally? As much as one half-assed garden, planted by a person with a drinking problem, who did not read the directions on the seed-packets very closely. Elizabeth Bishop only ever wrote one poem, a villanelle about an elk breaking up with her (“The Elk Breaks Up with Me”), and if I may say so she did very well with it. Wallace Stevens only wrote five poems, and every one of them was insured for one million dollars, like a famous pair of legs. The greatest living poet, Nicolas Cage, continues to amaze us by never having written a poem at all.
Christmas Movies are Dumb
Yesterday I tweeted:
He’s just woken up from a 10-year coma…on Christmas Eve! How will he get all his shopping done in just one day?!
Michael Delaporta responded:
This December, Kevin James is… Last Minute Micky (This film has not yet been rated.)
I wondered what other folks could come up with, so I asked, and made it a contest. I received a bunch of responses. They were all delightful, but here are my favorites:
A solid, simple suggestion:
Tom Hanks is…“Dashing Through”
O holy crap! Adam Sandler knows when he’s sleeping and knows when he’s awake! And now he has to Deck The Malls!
A sinister edge:
“Nor Sleet Nor Snow Nor Dark Of Night.” And it stars Liam Neeson. And he’s a mailman. And someone (Santa?) has his daughter.
Paul Rudd is…CHRISTMAS STEVE!!! He was thirty…now he’s 40! His wife remarried and his kids have a new dad!
The simplest and best of the punny submissions:
Bruce Willis, “Buy Hard”
AND THE WINNER
“I Feel Better, By The Way” starring Woody Allen.